Oh What we Learned

On Saturday Hot Joe and I took Noah, his forever friend Sophia and of course my nephew Wyatt to Hurricane Harbor for Noah’s 13th birthday.  This was our third year.  This time we took more notice of our surroundings and learned quite a bit:

1.  Some people wear age and body-appropriate bathing suits.

2.  Most people do not wear age or body-appropriate bathing suits.

3.  Some people just wear clothes.

4. It’s totally appropriate to wear 3 pair of giganthuge gold hoop earrings, a long dress and 6-inch high heels and get your hair done.  To come to a water park.

5.  Newborn babies are encouraged, as evidenced by the 4 that we saw.  If you are going to nurse them, don’t turn away from the thousands of children and teenagers.  “Teen Mom” doesn’t show it enough, so you should educate them.  It’s a water park.  A family place.  Nurse away, I say!!!!  Also, it’s pretty hot in Valencia in August but that doesn’t mean you need to cover your baby’s head or any limbs.  Standing directly next to the speakers where the band is playing will have no effect on your baby’s hearing whatsoever.  Carry on, clever mothers!

6.  If you are a man and you are handing me a raft and you tell me, “Have fun!  Woo!” you don’t have to follow up with “I’m gay.”  I had pretty much figured that out from your “Woo” and the delivery.

7.  If you want to lifeguard at Hurricane Harbor you must NOT whistle at the asshole teenagers who kicked Hot Joe in the stomach, leaving an abrasion, and dumped him into the water – right in front of you.  Whistle at Hot Joe who put his raft up on the side wall to catch his breath after being kicked and dumped.  Fantastic.

8.  If you are going to the Magic Mountain side of the park, it’s perfectly acceptable to wear a blue shirt with a Superman insignia on the front and a red cape at the age of 30.   Normal.  Acceptable.  Nobody will point, whisper, giggle or photograph you and your friends coming to the park alone.

9.  Spending $30 to $40 to lie in the sun surrounded by screaming kids is definitely a sound financial decision.

10.  Mostly only really hefty people buy funnel cake.  Like the 450 pound man who bought two fully loaded cakes and stacked them together facing each other, eating it like a sandwich.  So delicious.  And nutritious!

This is but a small portion of what we saw on Saturday.  If I could remember it all, I could write a book just about the one day.  If my phone was waterproof – even better.

We were there for as long as possible without encountering coming and going traffic and after we made the usual stop at McDonald’s.  It was pretty Happy Birthday for my sweet Noah.