The Day I Almost Broke my Face
Apr 09
It was a day like any other, and everything was going as normal. Â I had finished my work, threw in a load of laundry, changed into my running clothes, geared up the pups and we were off. Â It was the beginning of the route, between 3 and 4 minutes in, when out of the blue the sidewalk lifted up, catching my right foot on the toe, and throwing me forward in full-speed slow motion, falling closer to the ground with each step. Â My life flashed before my eyes, only in this version my dogs didn’t bark, my kid didn’t roll his eyes, and my boobs stayed in front, and a little higher. Â The next thing I knew I was flat on the ground, in the shape of an X with my hands each out above me and spread apart and my legs doing the same thing. Â I wish I was one of those bloggers (Mayor Gia) who could draw out the scenes, because you’d see me there, and my hair would be all awry with curls every which way and my hat would be pushed off my head backwards and my left arm would still have two leashes around the wrist, with the dogs standing next to me staring, wondering why we stopped.
I was shocked for a minute and had the wind knocked out of me. Â I realized my right palm hurt, my left knee hurt, I had an instant headache and neck stiffness and my left boob was killing me. Â Most of all, I realized that had it not been for my hat, a simple hat from Target like a baseball cap but with a beach scene on it, a hat that I wear to keep the sun off my face and the sweat out of my eyes, I quite possibly may have broken my face. Â Of course on instinct I tried holding my head back while I fell, straining the hell out of my neck, but the momentum was too much and my heavy head was going wherever it wanted to go, which was face first into the sidewalk. Â Only my brim hit the sidewalk first and the hat is just snug enough that with my straining and the brim hitting, my face magically managed to avoid breaking on the sidewalk.
You know what? Â I’m gonna try. Â I’m gonna give you my own artist’s rendering of me face-down on the ground. Â And then maybe somebody (Mayor Gia) can draw a better one. Â With my dogs.
I included the leashes but please don’t make me draw a dog.
I got my bearings and looked up to see a car coming right at me and I knew the person was going to stop, which made me emotional. Â I bit back the tears.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure? Â You took a pretty bad fall!”
“No, I’m okay. Â Thanks.” Â Rolling over and trying to sit up to show her I’m okay.
“Is there anyone I can call for you?”
“No, I’m okay.” Â Sitting up!!! Â ”I tripped over the edge of that sidewalk I think.”
“Do you want me to call you an ambulance?”
“Yes please. Â My boob actually really hurts, especially when I breathe, I almost broke my face and I feel like crying, mostly because I feel like an ass. Â Do you think there’s room in the ambulance for my dogs?”
“Thank you, but really I’m okay.”
As soon as the good Samaritan left me I got up off the sidewalk, because the last thing I wanted at this point was for her to see me struggling to get back up while holding onto my boob, leashes around my wrist attached to dogs and also fixing my hat. Â I stood there for a fraction of a second, looked at the dogs and said, “Let’s go babies” and took off, eyes leaking a bit.
Hahaha thanks for the shoutout lady! Your fall sounds painful(ly embarrassing). Ouch!
I was going to call you and ask you to hook my up but I don’t know where you live or what time it was and I misplaced your phone number so I was left to my own devices. Ug.
oh man! Ouch! Pride and Pain, never my favorite combo….
Exactly.
Hahahahahahhaah LOL Hahahah –
I’m sorry … THAT was hilarious !!!!
(ring ring) Hello Beth? This is the hospital calling. We have your sister here in the ER. She seems to have fallen and broken her face. Before we loaded her up with Dilaudid she asked that we call you and please make arrangements to have Noah picked up from school (along with taking care of your own two children, thank you) and then she would also like for you to please find someone to come be with her since your parents have apparently gone on another pointless trip, leaving their children and grandchildren to fend for themselves. She also asks that you go let her dogs out.
Thanks.
My left boob hurts when I fall. It’s probably because the wine glass lands under it.
That’s why you should use Solo cups. Duh.
Oh no! Not to fixate on your breasts or anything – but does it mean that a) your left boob is bigger than your right hence it hit the ground first, taking all the impact or b) you fell more on your left side because your hat brim was slightly more skewed there? #randomthoughts
Oh my gosh, Alison. HAHAAH.
Alison, That made me laugh out loud!
Kim, I’m so sorry that happened to you! Sounds painful on a few levels. I hope your boob healed up & your pride, too!
Boob yes. Pride…working on it. I have a feeling this woman told everyone she knew about my dramatic fall and me lying sprawled.
Excellent question Alison and as a matter of fact YES, my left one IS slightly larger (I’m looking right now to be sure). All of my pain today is on the right side…oh no wait, I just moved my left arm and…okay I hurt everywhere.
Brilliant thinking!!
And I have no boob pain today. That’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt.
First, I’m glad you’re ok (you are ok, right? sounded like minor injuries. how’s your boob?). Second, wow, that sucks! Third, good for you for finishing your run! Fourth, love the drawing. You added more detail than I would have.
That was detail? Heehee…I had to explain that my hair was curly to my husband. I’m super sore today but the boob is great!
Ouch! Glad you are okay… I know & understand the feeling (like an ass & being in pain
from falling during a run) I give you kudos for running with your dogs. I took my once became air born and never took her again! Lol Hope you aren’t in too much pain today!
I can’t run without them. Sometimes they’re difficult but I need them. I feel like people look at them instead of me. And they get exercise.
THANK GOODNESS for your magic hat! You go girl, but make sure to take care of yourself. It appears you are even a super achiever in falling. Even from your stick drawing, it looked like it was spectacular.
Ellen
Kudos to your pups for not continuing to drag you.
I like to give everything 100% and I’m super proud of the pups.
Ouch! I’ve so done things like this. Did you get up and thoroughly scrutinize the sidewalk as if to assess the blame? Gotta love the good Samaritan. I had a guy fall on the path where I was riding my bike and I made sure he was set for liquid and I even carry a few bandages.
Hope all is well, usually the next day or two is worse than the initial day.
Could have been worse, if you were sporting the fake boobs, you’d probably have popped it and that would have been expensive.
I loved the “falling full speed in slow motion”
WG
http://itsmynd.com
Ouch. and lol-cause I was also going to write something about popping silicone…
You’re absolutlely right, I’m MISERABLE today. AND I totally scrutinized and then went back when I picked up my son from school to find out where the sidewalk stuck out. I needed to know it was really the concrete and not me. And I thought about the boobs too! PHEW!!
Oh man. This is why I grew soft, padded manboobs pecs, and a nice, comforting layer of suet. It pads me for all of the stupid falls I take.
Glad you’re ok!
HOT
Gah! Strike tag fail!
I’m so glad you are ok and that someone else besides me gets emotional when strangers offer to help after I’ve done something embarrassing. I love that your dogs stopped and stared at you, because that’s exactly what my dogs would have done. Dogs don’t understand tripping.
In retrospect it was pretty funny. They literally just stood there staring. DO NOT COMPREHEND.
OUCH! I’m glad you are okay. And I’m glad you didn’t break your face. You are my sister wife, after all. I wouldn’t want people thinking I’m involved in some kind of freaky wife beating cult or something….seriously though, I’m glad you’re ok. Hot bath, bottle of wine (or two), Motrin and a sick day- just what Dr.Delilah prescribes!
At 2:30 I bust open the wine and refill the Ibuprofen. In the bath. Okay make that 3:30 because Noah has homework.
I can only imagine how much that hurt!! Love the description of how you fell and how your dogs looked at you. Fantastic! PS – You are much tougher than me. I’m pretty sure I would have called it a day and headed back home to nurse my injuries.
My husband said I absolutely should have come home rather than exacerbate all the injuries I didn’t know I had. I was just trying to be a bad-ass.
That was a traumatic experience and, you have managed to come through it with grace and dignity.
But, after seeing your drawing I think you have a slight concussion. #JustSayin
Hahahaha!!!
stupid damn sidewalk!!
I know, right?!?
I’m so clumsy, I walk around in perpetual fear of biting the floor. Sometimes I run my tongue over my front teeth and marvel that they’re still there.
Ugh, that must have been mortifying as well as painful. Thanks for sharing your oops with the Interwebz.
Watch this be the one that goes viral.
Don’t know why I’m curious to know… did you finish your run?
YUP.
I’m suspicious, Kim. Did you coordinate the fall with #yeahwrite? I mean, this sure makes for a good story. Perhaps an award winning story. Did you ‘take one’ for the #yeahwrite team? Hmm… I wonder.
In all seriousness, did you get checked out? What if you broke a rib? That left boob could be telling you something, you know. So glad: someone drove up, you were able to get home, and you wore your hat. Hugs!
I am my mother’s child.
I have a superpower..finding cracks in sidewalks, tiny pebbles to roll my foot on and land flat on my ass.
Glad your boob survived the fall!
Joe and I are THRILLED it survived.
Ouch! I know how it feels. There was once, i was walking Pepper and I thought why don’t we run a little bit. So while running, I tripped over her leash and fell on my bum scratching my arms and shoulder. I looked up and the gardeners and some teenagers we looking at me. But none of them came to ask if I needed help. I got up and walked home right away.
I totally almost did that a few weeks ago, only it was over my DOG not the leash, because she saw a stupid other dog. I was in the STREET that time.
At least you had someone approaching you. Nowadays, war is even normal, so someone falling is like out-of-a-question.
I would have cried too, but I guess it would be because someone cared ha ha ha ha
p.s. so funny! I laughed so much when I remember how and when I fall down.
That’s exactly why I cried I think! I was so overwhelmed that someone stopped to help me while I lay splayed across the sidewalk.
Oh, you’re so strong running off like that. I probably would’ve said yes, call the ambulance.
PS: I know there’s no dog in your picture but I think it’s a fantastic rendition.
Had there been blood I would have accepted her offer and called a neighbor for the dogs. Thanks for appreciating my “artwork”
So, I know it’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other but, based on your drawing, you are know an anorexic, African-American with a bad case of alopecia.
I’ve lost a lot of weight, yes. I’m still white, though, with hair. Now I TOTALLY wish I had drawn the pups. Just for you. I wish you could have seen them both staring at me. Luke had already had his constitution so there was no anxiety.
HA! I especially liked “but please don’t make me draw a dog” and the deleted request for medical attention!
It’s what I really really wanted to say!!!
The second I leave you – LOOK WHAT HAPPENS! Since you were little things would happen. I was hoping you would grow out of this but…. I am so sorry Kimmy. I wish I had been home to come get you. I am sure you had your phone on you just in case of an emergency!!!!
I DID have my phone and the first thing I thought was, “THE PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN!” If I HAD broken my face, I would have called Peter to get the dogs and Beth to get the kid. From the ambulance, where I would sit alone until I got to the ER where I would have remained alone.
no wonder you are such a good transcriptionist. you do not have to spend much time combing your 9 hairs and all your fingers are the same length making typing very easy i would imagine
THERE WERE MORE THAN 9 HAIRS! There was a BUNCH of hair. All over the place. Did you not notice in real life my fingers are all one length?
Oh, I am so sorry! You tell such a good story about this though, I couldn’t help but laugh. I love your drawing!
A good story as well as a metaphor for life. Sometimes you just have to dust yourself off and keep going. No matter how much your boob hurts.
So true.
Ouch! I don’t know which was braver, falling flat on your face and getting back up again or writing about it! LOL
Getting back up for sure. I’m never afraid to air my ugliness.
Awww, such a heartfelt post. A story beautifully told. I’m very glad you’re ok, and it’s nice to know Good Samaritans are out there, roaming the streets. And your drawing is awesome.
Thanks. That post FLEW out of me and the drawing I labored over.
First of all, great job with the illustration. Gia, watch out!!
Seriously though, are you okay? I know that hurt, and I’ll just be honest I would’ve cried like a freakin’ baby. Good for you for keeping your wits about you and not grabbing your boob and wailing.
Hahahaha. I am unbelievably sore everywhere today. I don’t know how I kept my whits about me just from the kind lady, except I think I was dazed. I will admit I held my boob for a few minutes.
I’ve done that! More than once. Minus the dogs thank goodness. The most recent was a sunny day walk across the college campus (where I worked). It was truly a gorgeous day and all was right with my world (a rare happenstance). I had worn a sundress and girly shoes (backless) though my more usual garb was cargos and crocs. So there I was, 50+ years old which qualifies for ancient on campus, walking along in my girly garb enjoying the sunshine when my ankle twisted and I found myself running in fast forward and about to hit a tree! Praise GOD I missed the tree!
Be thankful you weren’t wearing a dress! LOL!
VERY well written! LOVED it!
That’s exactly what happened! I started moving in fast forward but getting lower and lower. A dress would have been bad for so many reasons.
oh my GOD! That story freaks me out! Very glad you had that hat on and you weren’t hurt any worse. You didn’t get up and keep running, did you? Because if you, you’re going to have to change your avatar picture to a photo of Wonder Woman! Or better yet – you in a Wonder Woman outfit! I love Mayor Gia’s cartoons too
I did keep going…so stay tuned for my new and improved Wonder Woman avatar.
Falling down is the worst, even when there is nobody there to see it!
I once slipped on ice in a parking lot. Some guy with his girlfriend yelled “DOWN GOES FRAZIER!” He didn’t follow it up with an “are you okay?” but just kept walking.
At least your guy was nice.
HAHAHAHA!!! What an ass!
I have so done things like this! Through it all, the worst pain was that to my pride. I hope you’re feeling better now!
I am, thanks, the physical pain and bruised pride are much better.
After all the money we spent on your HUGE plastic boobs, I’m glad they didn’t break. Now I’m going to start dusting.
PLASTIC? I have the cheapest parents ever.
Ooooh…I feel your pain. I just want to pick you up and comfort you. But don’t worry, I won’t rub your sore boob. I
‘ve fallen more than once, sometime in extraordinarily public spaces. One time I really did break my face…a concussion and a black eye…all from playing tag with my second grade students. I was It. And there were dozens of parents waiting to pick their kids up, all of whom watched me fall. And I didn’t even tag the girl I was chasing.
Hope your pride – and your knees – heal quickly!
I’m almost all better!!
oh, i am so sorry! i’ve been there (i’m the clumsiest person ever). and boob (and tailbone) injuries are the worst – it’s not like you can put those puppies in a cast! although i’d kind of like to see mayor gia draw that…
True that…
You poor thing. I feel your pain. At least you did not fall on your bum. Not only does that hurt too, but it makes you look twice as silly.
My bum is huge, though. It would have softened the fall.
Okay so I’m glad you’re all right. But A) Tar-jay needs to send you like their entire line of hats for that stellar & unexpected product review: “buy this hat because it keeps the sun off your face, your hair out of your eyes, and has a roll-bar attached for those sudden tumbles.” Totally. And B) no reason to feel damaged pride with good samaratin (nice person, I’m sure) because you were RUNNING (or trying to) with DOGS ATTACHED. She was driving, probably to go buy more donuts. So you have virtue points on your side.
But..er…be careful?
Hahahaha!!!! She probably WAS buying donuts. Whore.
I laughed SO hard! And since I didn’t get to draw something for my post yesterday, I decided to do one for you
In case I can’t put a link here I”m going to type it out:
http://idotimgurdotcom/cBjtjdotpng
OR: http://i.imgur.com/cBjtj.png since the other link looks stoopid :/
OHMYGOD You NAILED IT. You even made me thinner,which I TOTALLY appreciate. I am dying DYING laughing. Fanfrickintastic.
that’s awesome & kind & cool of you
It’s injuries like these Kim that remind me why I am not a runner. I love my boobs enough not to land on them!
(Glad to hear you’re okay!)
Hahaha…My poor boob couldn’t breathe!
I’m sorry, mostly about your boob. That hurts! Thank goodness for your hat is all I can say, or else this story might have had a different ending. A couple of years ago I fell off the front of our boat onto dry land. I cried, mostly because I was embarrassed and shocked. Hope you feel better.
This afternoon I FINALLY feel better, but wow was I hurting yesterday and when I got up today.
First, hell yes you got up and kept going. Go you.
Second, do you play Draw Something on your phone? It’s like Pictionary with friends. Best game ever
Third, my right boob is bigger.
1. Joe says continuing on made it worse (blech)
2. I haven’t gotten Draw Something yet because that would just be one more thing to obsess about.
3. We are boob twins.
Oh my goodness! I can’t say I’ve ever run nearly that far, but I know that “I’m going to say I’m fine just because I can’t stand the thought of this person needing to help me and I think I’m going to lose it in an ugly cry kind of way” feeling.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that!
What doesn’t break me makes me stronger.
One of those drawings above is outstanding. I can really picture the scene and I am hell worried about your boob. Hope it’s feeling better.
You think it’s my drawing, right?
BOOB RECOVERED.
Oh I hope your boob is feeling better. And so glad your face was spared.
I slipped on ice while crossing the street about 10 years ago and the same thing! It wasn’t until someone asked me if I was OK that I started to cry. But then…oh boy did I cry. I was just so surprised. And hurt. yeah, that too.
Yes! As soon as she drove off the tears came.
Oh, ouch!! You poor thing! That must have been awful!
Hope your boob is okay.;)
It’s fully recovered.
You have described one of the reasons I do not leave the house. Well, two…sidewalks and strangers. Impressed by many things here, but I will name three: 1) that lovely human who stopped to check on you 2) your writing 3) you got up and went on…even after a near full blown sob of a cry. Wow. Just wow. I hope your weekend is great, Kim!
Guess we’ve all had our share of ungraceful falls. At least yours was only witnessed by one other person rather than everybody at Table Ten! Poor boobs – hope they feel better.